10 years after, if Romeo and Juliet survived
by 0chi
Summary: Ever wonder what would have happened if Romeo and Juliet survived? For those of you who wanted them to have a happy marriage, this story is not for you. The days of romance have long gone. Romeo is a drunk, and Juliet is an abused wreck. Both mourn their rash decision to be married a decade ago. Can they kill their marriage without killing themselves in the process?
1. Chapter 1

It was a beautiful morning to behold. The sun shone upon Verona, illuminating the tall buildings and flirting between the trees. Slowly, the city filled with life, as the people ran outside to enjoy the day. It was perfect, it was wonderful, it was…

"JULIET! GO GET ME ANOTHER BEER!"

A day that was probably meant to enjoy outside.

A fat balding man sat in a chair, surrounded by a dissonance of bottles of all sizes. He belched loudly and shifted his weight, causing the wood underneath to creak, then stared impatiently at the ceiling.

"JULIET!" he yelled drunkenly, "WHERE IS MY BEER?"

Almost immediately, a petite young woman ran into the room, her eyes wild and her hair messy. The once-fair Juliet shoved a dirty beer bottle into her husband's grubby hands.

"AND WHAT ABOUT MY BEER ROMEO? She screeched, "DRUNK ALL AND LEFT NO FRIENDLY DROP!"

"BE QUIET WOMAN!" snapped her husband, tired of her nagging.

Juliet raised the bottle high above her head, her eyes filled with a crazy light.

"WELL, YOU CAN GET YOUR STUPID BEER YOURSELF YOU PIG!"

And with that, she smashed the bottle against Romeo's head and stormed out of the room.

Romeo pulled out glass shards out of his remaining hair and sighed deeply. Honestly, Juliet was a nightmare, what was he thinking when he married her ten years ago? He must have addled his mind with too much drink. His mind was distracted by a sudden knocking at the front door. Was it the beer he had ordered? Or was it the beer company coming to complain that he hadn't paid them for all the beers? Either way, someone needed to answer the door.

"JULIET! GO ANSWER THE DOOR!"

Juliet groaned in disgust. That idiot Romeo! Did he think that she was his servant? What was she thinking when she married that pig ten years ago? She must have been traumatized by the thought of marrying Count Paris. Casting the dishes she was washing in the sink, she hurried to the front door, anxious for any excuse not to see that disgusting Romeo. She flung it open, expecting a case of beer… and saw the tax collector in its place. She groaned. Was it that time of the month again? Only one thing to do then.

"ROMEO, THERE'S A THIEF AT THE DOOR!"

Almost instantly, Romeo was at her side, protectively clutching a beer case to his chest.

"WHERE? He roared, "WHO DARES STEAL MY BEER?"

Then he saw the tax collector staring at him apprehensively.

"Oh, it's just you," he grunted, "You want money? Well, we don't have any."

The tax collector cleared his throat, "Well, that's the problem, sir," he squeaked, "you NEED to pay money to the government to live here. Haven't you ever heard of taxes?"

Romeo snarled, "Why would I need to pay money to the likes of you? I am the handsome heir of Montague, and my ugly wife here is the heir of Capulet. Surely you have heard our names in the slums where you live."

"But sir," stammered the tax collector, "you haven't paid your taxes in ten years!"

At this point, Romeo was so mad, his ears were literally steaming. Juliet, sensing the warning signs, dove out of the way as Romeo exploded in pure fury. He held the case of beer up high and smashed it down on the poor tax collector.

"GET OUT! He shrieked, "AND DO NOT DIRTY THE PORCH OF MY DOOR EVER AGAIN!"

The tax collector shrunk back to the shadows, clutching the bloody watermelon-size lump atop his head. Juliet poked her head out from behind a couch.

"Great going jerk," she grumbled, "now we'll go back to prison again!"

"SHUT IT, WOMAN!" Romeo roared. "DOEST THOU WANTETH ME TO BLOODY THY MOUTH?"

"LIKE YOU WOULD!" Juliet shrieked, "WHAT WAS I THINKING WHEN I MARRIED YOU? AND WHY ARE YOU STILL SPEAKING IN THAT STUPID DIALECT? THAT PHRASE DIED AGES AGO WITH OUR MARRIAGE!"

Romeo turned tomato red. He started to feel his rage bubbling up inside him. It was like molten magma under the surface of the earth, thousands of times hotter than the sun. He was sick of this woman! He'd never felt so angry in his life! No one insulted his speech and got away with it! Without thinking things through, he chucked the beer bottle he was holding directly at Juliet.

Unfortunately, Romeo had underestimated Juliet's dodging skills. After ten years of being married to him and dealing with his temper tantrums, Juliet had honed the skills of a ninja warrior. At the last second, she jumped out of the way of the spinning bottle, watching as it pulverized the air where her face had once been. At the same time, Romeo lunged at her, a crazy expression on his once-handsome face. In a split-second, Juliet grabbed the rotating bottle out of midair and smashed into her husband's head. But it was all for naught. Romeo wrapped his filthy hands around her arms and grinned terribly. However, his trajectory carried the pair of them right into an open closet. As the door slammed behind them, Juliet came to her senses to find herself entangled with her husband in a dark enclosure.

"Great job Romeo!" She shrieked, "We're stuck with each other in a closet. This couldn't possibly get any worse!"

On that note, the storage boxes on top of the closet came crashing down, completely obstructing the doorway and leaving the couple with no escape.

"Nice going Juliet," Romeo grumbled, "You just had to say that."


	2. Chapter 2

"So let me get this straight. You, the two perpetrators of the greatest love story of all time, want a divorce." The lawyer shook his head. "I just can't believe it."

"WELL, YOU BETTER!" Juliet roared, "I'M SICK AND TIRED OF LIVING WITH THIS PIG!"

"NO ONE ASKED YOU WOMAN!" Romeo snarled.

"AFTER THIS, I'LL BE A FREE WOMAN!" Juliet cried, "AND YOU'LL HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!"

The lawyer looked at the both of them, starting to get skeptical about their marriage in the first place.

"Right, I'm starting to see what you're talking about. When do you want to be divorced?"

He didn't even need to wait for a response. Romeo and Juliet both drew in a deep breath, their statement the first that they had agreed on in the past decade.

"NOW!" They screeched simultaneously.

The lawyer gulped. His vision of the perfect love story shattered into a million pieces.

"But you're both catholic!" he protested

Romeo and Juliet both glared at him until the poor lawyer started to feel like he had said something wrong.

"I HAD TO SPEND TEN YEARS WITH THIS IDIOT!" Juliet yelled, "DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT GOD WOULD ALLOW THAT?"

"MY WIFE IS THE DEVIL INCARNATED!" Romeo roared, "SHE HAS DRIVEN GOD OUT OF OUR HOUSEHOLD."

"IT'S THANKS TO YOUR STUPID BEER ADDICTION THAT WE'RE BANKRUPT! Juliet protested.

"THEN WHY DON'T YOU QUIT COMPLAINING AND GO GET A JOB!" Romeo screeched.

The lawyer's head swirled around the room as if he was watching an intense game of tennis. Suddenly he realized what he was hearing and spoke up.

"Wait, did I hear right? You're bankrupt?"

Romeo and Juliet both grimaced at this fact. Romeo because he wanted beer and Juliet because she couldn't have the things she wanted.

"Yeah, so what?"

The lawyer began to sweat, which was not unusual, as it's human instinct to sweat when you can sense danger.

"Y-you see," he stammered, "I-I need to be paid to do this…"

"YOU WHAT?"

"And that's why I can't divorce Romeo." Juliet finished.

Her old nurse shook her head.

"I told you not to marry that man. You should have just married Noble Paris!"

" I know!" Juliet sighed, "I should have listened to you! Paris had everything in the world! Money, good looks…money." she concluded, unable to think of anything else.

"Well, what's done is done." The nurse stated, "You should just try and improve your relationship with him!"

"But there's no way!" Juliet protested, "That pig would marry beer if he could! Please, nurse, you have to help me escape from this jerk!"

The nurse stared appalled. Once, many years ago, she had helped Juliet marry Romeo in secret. Their love had seemed so genuine for each other back then! Was it really all for naught? Now, looking upon this older, moldier Juliet, she was suddenly reminded of the young girl that had begged her for help. How could she refuse?

"There is a way," she breathed, "I know just the man to ask."

Romeo lay on his chair, chugging beer. He felt like had lost something coming back from the lawyer, but couldn't figure out what it was for the life of him.

"JULIET!" he roared over his shoulder, "WHEN YOU'RE DONE THE HOUSEWORK, GET ME ANOTHER BEER!"

Then, without waiting for the answer that never came, he promptly fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Juliet popped her head out of the closet, anxious for a breath of fresh air. Romeo slapped his wife out of the way, desperate to breathe. Then, he hauled his overweight body out of the closet and slammed the door behind him. Juliet shoved the doors back open and climbed out, snarling. For half an hour, she'd worked on trying to open the closet as that fat brute sat on his butt, mourning the loss of his beer. But as soon as he saw the chance, he escaped, throwing her under the horse cart as he went. He was selfish, he was rude, he was smelly; Romeo was the exact opposite of her dream husband.

Juliet took a deep breath. She knew what she needed to do. For too long she had been bound to this pig of a man.

"ROMEO!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

Romeo turned around in the kitchen doorway, surprised to see her still there.

"What?" he snapped, "This better be quick. I have a case of beer calling my name in the cabinet, and you still need to clean the floor twenty-six more times."

"I WANT A DIVORCE!"

"So let me get this straight. You, the two perpetrators of the greatest love story of all time, want a divorce." The lawyer shook his head. "I just can't believe it."

"WELL, YOU BETTER!" Juliet roared, "I'M SICK AND TIRED OF LIVING WITH THIS PIG!"

"NO ONE ASKED YOU WOMAN!" Romeo snarled.

"AFTER THIS, I'LL BE A FREE WOMAN!" Juliet cried, "AND YOU'LL HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!"

The lawyer looked at the both of them, starting to get skeptical about their marriage in the first place.

"Right, I'm starting to see what you're talking about. When do you want to be divorced?"

He didn't even need to wait for a response. Romeo and Juliet both drew in a deep breath, their statement the first that they had agreed on in the past decade.

"NOW!" They screeched simultaneously.

The lawyer gulped. His vision of the perfect love story shattered into a million pieces.

"But you're both catholic!" he protested

Romeo and Juliet both glared at him until the poor lawyer started to feel like he had said something wrong.

"I HAD TO SPEND TEN YEARS WITH THIS IDIOT!" Juliet yelled, "DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT GOD WOULD ALLOW THAT?"

"MY WIFE IS THE DEVIL INCARNATED!" Romeo roared, "SHE HAS DRIVEN GOD OUT OF OUR HOUSEHOLD."

"IT'S THANKS TO YOUR STUPID BEER ADDICTION THAT WE'RE BANKRUPT! Juliet protested.

"THEN WHY DON'T YOU QUIT COMPLAINING AND GO GET A JOB!" Romeo screeched.

The lawyer's head swirled around the room as if he was watching an intense game of tennis. Suddenly he realized what he was hearing and spoke up.

"Wait, did I hear right? You're bankrupt?"

Romeo and Juliet both grimaced at this fact. Romeo because he wanted beer and Juliet because she couldn't have the things she wanted.

"Yeah, so what?"

The lawyer began to sweat, which was not unusual, as it's human instinct to sweat when you can sense danger.

"Y-you see," he stammered, "I-I need to be paid to do this…"

"YOU WHAT?"

"And that's why I can't divorce Romeo." Juliet finished.

Her old nurse shook her head.

"I told you not to marry that man. You should have just married Noble Paris!"

" I know!" Juliet sighed, "I should have listened to you! Paris had everything in the world! Money, good looks…money." she concluded, unable to think of anything else.

"Well, what's done is done." The nurse stated, "You should just try and improve your relationship with him!"

"But there's no way!" Juliet protested, "That pig would marry beer if he could! Please, nurse, you have to help me escape from this jerk!"

The nurse stared appalled. Once, many years ago, she had helped Juliet marry Romeo in secret. Their love had seemed so genuine for each other back then! Was it really all for naught? Now, looking upon this older, moldier Juliet, she was suddenly reminded of the young girl that had begged her for help. How could she refuse?

"There is a way," she breathed, "I know just the man to ask."


	4. Chapter 4

Romeo lay on his chair, chugging beer. He felt like had lost something coming back from the lawyer, but couldn't figure out what it was for the life of him.

"JULIET!" he roared over his shoulder, "WHEN YOU'RE DONE THE HOUSEWORK, GET ME ANOTHER BEER!"

Then, without waiting for the answer that never came, he promptly fell asleep.

A lone man stood in a dark room, surrounded by potted plants. The only source of light was the light ventilations that loomed the leaves. Suddenly, he was distracted by a knocking on the door! He tensed. Was it the police? Had he finally been found out? Which client ratted him out? His heart racing, he hurried to the door, pausing only briefly to grab a sword from the closet. Panicking, he flung opened the door, prepared to strike.

"Friar Lawrence?!" Juliet exclaimed, "This is where you have been?"

"Juliet?!" Friar Lawrence gasped, "You look terrible! Where is Romeo?"

"Romeo made me terrible!" Juliet groaned, "And I need your help!"

Juliet stepped through the door, expecting to see a library of the holy books. She was instead surprised to see rows and rows of leafy plants, grown solely by the sun holes above. Expensive looking equipment lined the walls, filled with boiling unknown purple liquid and working away. Juliet could hardly believe her eyes.

"F-Friar Lawrence," she stammered, "what have you been doing all this time?"

The Friar ignored her question.

"What do you want?" he snapped, "Get on with it! I'm a busy man!"

Juliet decided not to ask, although she had her suspicions.

"I need the sleeping drug."

"AGAIN? I already gave it to you once, and you barely escaped with your life! Had you not awoken in time to stop Romeo from drinking the poison, I don't even know what would have happened!"

"This time, I wouldn't care if that jerk drank the poison!"

"I kind of figured that your marriage had gone south, but I didn't know it was this bad!" The friar quipped. "I'm guessing you want the sleeping drug in order to get away from him. Well, maybe the shock will wake Romeo up and he'll realize what he has done."

Juliet nodded eagerly, watching the friar work. As he talked, his hands moved, squeezing blue liquid out of wilting bulb into a container, which was suspended over a candle.

"There!" he announced, and held up the blue liquid "It is finished! The new and improved sleeping drug!"

"How it is improved?" Juliet inquired, anxious to know about the new drug.

"Romeo will be suspicious of your "death". He might figure that you're using the sleeping drug. This new drug will last for twice the time. Romeo will never suspect anything!"

Juliet snatched the drug out of the friar's hand and bolted for the door. The friar stared after her, only coming to his senses as he heard the door slam.

"Wait!" he cried, "You still have to pay for it!"

Romeo promptly awoke to see Juliet towering over him, a beer bottle in hand.

"About time." he grumbled, grabbing the bottle from her, "I asked you over an hour ago!"

Juliet grabbed the bottle back, took a swig, and chucked it out the open window. The smashing of glass and the screams from below signified that Romeo would not be drinking from that particular bottle anytime soon. Romeo stood up and tried to yell, but he was still groggy from all the beer. Staggering, he pushed Juliet aside and made for the door, anxious for some fresh air.

"Juliet," he moaned, "Get me another beer! hic-!"

"GET IT YOURSELF YOU PIG!" Juliet screamed before slamming the door on him.

Romeo tried to open the door but to no avail. Juliet had apparently pushed several large items against it in order to lock him out. Romeo sighed dramatically. Why had he married that ugly hag? What had driven him so far? Was there any way for him to get away? He sat on the steps and began to weep. Really, it was a pathetic sight, a drunk, full-grown man crying like a little child. Families crossed the road to avoid Romeo as he thought about how he'd get away from his wife. Suddenly, he remembered the potion Juliet had drunk in order to fake her death. He smiled to himself drunkenly. He was starting to get an idea.


	5. Chapter 5

"You want a potion for eternal sleep?! Are you crazy?"

Romeo frowned. Somehow the voice and face of this friar looked familiar, but in his drunken state, he couldn't really bring himself to care about it.

"Yeah….. Hic! What's wrong with that?" He slurred.

The friar looked skeptical. He remembered giving the deadly poison to this man many years ago when he was seeking death. But now he was a friar for the Church of God! He couldn't give deadly poison away like it was candy! The city would be a catastrophe! A sudden glint of silver snapped him out of his memories. The drunk man was pointing a dagger at him!

"P-please sir!" he stammered, "Long ago I was indeed a drug dealer, but ten years ago, I gave my life to God! I am a friar! I do not have the poison you seek!"

"Then make it!" Romeo growled, "And quickly!"

Under the pressure of a drunk man with a knife, the friar relented. Within the hour, Romeo was holding a glass vial of orange liquid between his thumb and forefinger, the poison that would kill him. Except in his drunken state, Romeo thought it was identical to the potion that Juliet took years ago, just a potion to fake death. He was blissfully unaware of the danger that he held.

"Finally!" he breathed, "The potion that will help me escape Juliet once and for all!"

Romeo and Juliet both lay in bed. Both thought about their plans for escape, and both had a glass vial hidden in their night clothes. However, only Juliet was awake. Romeo had drunkenly passed out from an overdose of beer. Juliet was holding her vial in her hand, the blue liquid felt like it was pulsating in her palm.

"Goodbye Romeo," she whispered to her husband, "I hope I never have to see your face again."

And with that, she gulped down her potion, and almost instantly fell into a deep sleep. She would not hear the drunk whoops of joy from her husband in the morning, nor feel the warm hands transporting her into the tomb. She was deep in her own world, blissfully imagining a life without Romeo.


	6. Chapter 6

Romeo staggered home from the beer bar, clutching against the wall as he walked. It had been over a week since Juliet died and he had spent every day celebrating. Juliet was dead! He was free to do whatever he wanted! There was nobody that could get in his way now? What would he do first? Anything would seem better without that old hag. Suddenly, he was overcome with the desire to mock Juliet in her death. Laughing madly, he made his way over to the tomb.

Romeo stared deep into Juliet's blank eyes, certain that she was dead. Happily, he started to dance, joyous over the fact that his bothersome wife had finally passed away. He did not notice his wife's index finger was twitching, or that she was starting to breathe again.

Juliet awoke to happy laughter and the sound of dancing. Who was in her tomb? She opened her eyes, anxious to begin her life without Romeo, only to see her husband dancing in front of her. She screamed aloud. How had that oaf found out?

Romeo heard a scream echo inside the tomb and turned to see Juliet looking straight at him. The witch! Was she still alive? How? No, he thought, I must get away! Grinning like a drunk maniac, he held up the orange vial.

"Sayonara Juliet!" he cried and chugged down the poison.

Instantly, he was on his knees, coughing up blood. He staggered and fell close to Juliet, who screamed even louder. His last happy thoughts were that he'd never have to see the witch ever again.

Juliet saw that Romeo was crawling towards her, a mad grin on his face. She screamed at the top of her lungs, thinking that Romeo was attacking her.

"NO!" she yelled, "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"

She grabbed Romeo's dagger and without hesitating, stabbed herself in the heart, willing to do anything to get away from Romeo. With her dying breaths, the only thing that she could think about was that an afterlife without Romeo would be better than living with him.

The police swarmed the scene five minutes later, drawn to Juliet's last screams like moths to a fire. When they finally entered, the only thing that they found were the two lifeless bodies of Romeo and Juliet, lying on the floor, entangled in their final embrace. The city held a memorial for the "two greatest lovers of all time" and soon shrugged it off, but nobody could forget the romantic tale of Juliet and her Romeo.

The End


End file.
